Communicate or Be Unhappy
The essential key to life is water. Without it, nothing survives. It cleanses, invigorates, brings balance, and sustains all living things. Similarly significant are words. When strung together in complete, coherent sentences to verbalize thought, words have the same effect as water. As an adult, you are expected and almost assumed to understand how to utilize words to effectively communicate with others. This is not the case with most people. Coming in contact with people who communicate effectively isn’t rare but also not common. There are various reasons why most people are deficient in the area of communication but there really is no viable excuse as an adult not to be able to speak your mind. In relationships, communication determines whether your relationship vibrantly lives or slowly and painfully dies. The problem with numerous amounts of people is that prior to beginning a relationship and during the course of the relationship, communication is minimal or sometimes nonexistent. In order to sustain any adult relationship there must be communication present in order for it to germinate a successful connection.
The very first thing that must be communicated before embarking on any relationship are each other’s plans and expectations. This is where the suffering of many relationships begins because most people walk into it with assumptions. If you know you want to be married within two years of being in a relationship or that you are not interested in having children at all, that must be communicated. If you are not looking to be in an exclusive relationship and are just looking to have fun with someone from time to time, that must be communicated. There is nothing worse than two people being together and neither knowing what is expected of them or even worse, one person assuming one thing is going on while something completely different is happening. Your expectations and plans do not fall into the “They Didn’t Ask” category either. That is simply juvenile.
Equally important is communicating your likes and dislikes as they happen. If you don’t like how someone speaks to you or treats you, speak up. No one should have to be subjected to anything they do not like because the other person is ignorant of your preferences. Three days, three weeks, or three months should not have to pass before anyone hears about something they did or said that you have been irked by. Taking on the mentality of “Maybe it won’t happen again” or “I’ll let it pass this one time” will not work. If it happens the first time, it will continue to happen until you nip it in the bud. Remaining in a situation where you’re uncomfortable because you simply choose to keep your mouth closed is not only stupid but also immature.
Lastly are the passive aggressive attempts at trying to communicate; it does not work. Personally, this is probably the most frustrating, blood pressure raising type of non-communication that exists. It is frustrating because the person refuses to just come out and say what’s on their mind. Through hints and suggestive clues, they want you to decipher what they’re saying and act accordingly. If you don’t catch on to what they’re saying quick enough then they become frustrated or irked with you for not getting the gist of what they were trying to say the first, second, and third times.
For example, you receive a phone call from someone you are dating and within the first five minutes of the call it is declared that they’re home alone or just simply have some free time on their hands. The duration of the phone call reaches two hours and at this point the other person says, “Well you know you could have been here or having dinner talking to me in person for two hours.” You’re on the other end like, “Why the fuck didn’t you just say so in the beginning?!” Their response is, “Well I told you I wasn’t doing anything?!” They didn’t call you because they just simply wanted to chat with you; they called you because they wanted to see you in person, but didn’t want to come out of their mouths to say so for whatever reason. Passive-aggressive communication is very annoying and tends to train people either to limit their conversations with you or not to even want to communicate with you at all.
In brief, there is no way around having to communicate with people. This is especially the case for people you possess a particular romantic interest for and/or are in a relationship with. The only way that you can strengthen your connections with people is through viable, robust lines of communication. There is no other way to achieve this. Without proper adult communication, no living relationship will ever be able to survive. Communication is to relationships as water is to life; they are inseparable.