Message to Men: These Are The Keys to Gaining and Keeping the Respect in Your Relationship
There is this public stigma that has plagued black women for years. The stigma I am referring to is the black woman’s supposed disrespectful and controlling attitude. In the past couple of years, this specific attitude focused stigma has been singled out as one of the primary reasons why some black men flee to other races of women. As a woman, I have to admit that in theory it applies to some women but not most. However, men do play a very major part in changing a woman’s attitude during a relationship. As Sir Issac Newton’s law of physics states, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” this is also the case for women in relationships. Outlined in this article are specific questions I would like to address to men in regards to why a woman’s attitude can change.
Is There Consistency?
Women are not as complex as people try to make us out to be. We are very simple in nature and are moved by stimulus. When we meet a man, we expect that he is presenting the person who he will always be. There is an art to courting a woman and once you feel that you have acquired “the one” your courting techniques should not cease. Courting is a beginning application to establishing and maintaining a relationship. The biggest mistake that most men make is when they try to be something that they never were or by initiating certain behavior that they cannot maintain long-term. We understand the random splurge to impress or undivided attention given due to the excitement of the chase, but when the air of newness wears off we no longer see the person we met. For example, beautiful evenings spent trading conversation and laughs turns into three word conversations over a bucket of greasy chicken. Little things like having a consistent positive attitude, remembering the things that brought you together, and applying them to the relationship contributes to gaining and maintaining a woman’s respect.
Do You Actually Listen?
In order for you to be taken seriously as the head of your household, you must know the needs of those you lead. It is already understood that as leader you have the final say but the wisest of leaders know wisdom is impartial. Listen and be willing to take a course of action other than your own if it seems feasible. As women, we need to know you sincerely value our opinion. I know women have a tendency to speak at a time where they can clearly see you are busy engaging in “man activities” but if you set a time to talk over issues of the week or a few minutes to discuss her concerns then your “man time” is yours. Also, take responsibility for your actions. Most women have outbursts with their men because she was ignored for long periods of time until it is figured out that the only means of getting a response from you is to talk to you like a child. This course of action is wrong on our part and should never be done but it is an equal or greater reaction to your actions.
Are You Really Providing Support?
All too often, men think that “providing” for their significant other or family only means financially. Yes, as the head of your household this is a major responsibility but providing emotional and physical stability is just as important as finances. Relationship expert Gregory Dale says, “Women lose respect for a man as soon as they lack the ability to provide for the family. All of a sudden we mean nothing and what we did in the past hold little weight.” This is an incorrect statement. Women lose respect when men appear to have stopped trying. Women will damn near do anything to make sure the family stays afloat. It is hardwired into our DNA. This includes but not limited to taking an unappealing job, working below our pay grade, or even starting a side hustle. For a real woman, pride is a non-issue if the children have to eat and rent is due. When we see a man sit down and refuse to seek out all avenues, women lose respect instantly.
Also, if women don’t have emotional provision respect for a man quickly leaves. Women are like flowers. We need water and sunshine in order to look and feel beautiful. The water is the complementing of her, telling her you love her, and smiling whenever you see her. Simply saying “good morning baby” when you wake up or always acknowledging her presence will feed her emotional need and the respect she has for you.
Physical provisions can be made sexually or just by subtle contact. Find out what she wants in the bedroom and how she feels about different acts or positions. The attention to detail in the bedroom translates into how you feel about the woman. If you aim to please she will follow. However, sex alone will not do. It has to be followed up with loving contact. Things such as a pinch on the cheek, a kiss goodnight, a hug for no reason, a sensual look from across the room, or even love wrestling. This validates your feelings for her and makes her feel secure in mind, body and soul. Sometimes the little things will keep you in there.
Are You Communicating Effectively?
It is important when communicating to think before you speak. Your response to whatever the conversation, debate and/or argument has to speak that of a leader. As a man, you must be rational and clear headed or else you are not fit to lead. We choose the leaders of this country on how they handle themselves in public situations and on how well they communicate. A leader must be able to avoid war by the fruit of their lips as should be the case for a head of household. I hear men complaining about the endless questions women ask but have you considered why they ask so many questions? You may lack the art of communication. If she asks you “Do you love me” it may be because you don’t show her any love. If she asks “Do I look fat” it may be because you don’t complement her or feed her emotional needs. Even a dog needs validation or you will have a sad pup.
Do You Really Have The Ability To Lead?
You are the leader and with leadership holds great responsibility. A King is only as good as his kingdom, a President as good as his country, a Head as good as his household. Respect is something that is earned in all aspects of life. The weak have never been respected despite all politically correct commentary people love to spew. Leaders cannot be weak. Respect cannot be demanded. Only children demand what they cannot have or earn. Remember you are asking a woman to put her life and well being in your hands. How can you expect total cooperation if you can’t even take care of yourself or posses the ability to seek help when you get stumped!?
As a woman, I do not condone other women to disrespect their men in any shape, form, or fashion. However, I do understand the frustration of being under incompetent leadership. If you as a man cannot control your household, it may be a reflection of the work you put into it, the type of woman you chose to lead, or the back seat you chose to sit in. I admonish you not to take offense to what is being said here but to understand what you are asking for when you aim to LEAD and complain about DISRESPECT.