First and foremost, I’d like to congratulate you on your continued success in life and on the longevity of your outstanding career. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that you would still be such a success after all these years. When I sit and think about it, you’re just simply amazing. For someone such as you to come from such humble beginnings and establish yourself as a force to be reckoned with in the world is beyond belief. You killin’ em’ girl and I just can’t help but smile whenever I see you in action.
Look at where you came from. You started out in the jungles of Peru over 1000 years ago. You were just a local jungle girl being run through by the locals. Back then, you weren’t even popular. You were just a plain Jane country chick that made sure no one felt any pain when it was time to fix on themselves and anyone else. Hell, when the Spanish first saw you they blew you off as some regular ass ugly chick because they were fuckin’ with your future homegirl Marijuana at the time. You started poppin’ though when some of the conquistadors cleaned you up and started paying you some attention. They fucked up and let the world know about you when they took you back to Europe, but you still had a long way to go.
You were doing your thing in Europe but since your homegirls Marijuana and Tobacco were over here killin’ em’ in America, you just couldn’t wait to come here and show out. Consequently, ever since you touched down in America you have been showing out. I remember when you were in Memphis on Beale St. going for 5¢ a pop at the local store. Doctors and patients started taking advantage of your numbing and feel good powers. White people started giving you to their black labor so that they could work harder and longer hours in the field. Still, you wanna know when and how I knew you were a star? When they gave you your own drink I said, “Goddamn, she done made it!“
You fucked up when you started rockin’ with Uncle Sam. I was disappointed because you personally know how dirty those muthafuckas are in the government. He was using you to keep soldiers up for two and three days at a time and making money off of you to maintain secret wars they had started for personal interests. The absolute worst was when he got you and Heroin together to undermine and destroy not only the Civil Rights and Black Panther Movements, but also the entire black community. That’s right around the same time Uncle Sam got you pregnant with Crack. Till this day, he has never claimed that child. Crack is in the condition she is in today (poor, sad, and in the ghetto) because of both you and Uncle Sam.
In 1970, Uncle Sam outlawed your ass and was trying to kick you out of the country because you weren’t just partying with black people anymore. You were partying with everybody. He didn’t know that you and little ugly ass Crack would have such a universal appeal, but it was too late. You and Heroin had already created your own cultures in Hollywood and the music industry. La Cocaína had become officially worldwide.
The friends you’ve collected over the years have been some of the most influential people of their times. Sigmund Freud couldn’t get enough of you and is documented as saying that you have a “stimulative effect on the genitalia” and that you gave him “exhilaration and lasting euphoria.” Robert Louis Stevenson wrote “Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde” in six days fuckin’ with you. Hell, Stephen King even said you saved his life by stating, “Without coke, I’d have gone on drinking until about the age of 55 and it would have been a couple of lines in the New York Times: ‘Writer Stephen King dies of stroke.” King doesn’t even remember writing a few books because of you. You’ve even gotten down with U.S. presidents like Ulysses S. Grant and George W. Bush. You’ve partied with the likes of Richard Pryor, Rick James, Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, Oliver Stone, Whitney Houston, Drew Barrymore, Robin Williams, Robert Downey Jr., Johnny Depp; the list could go on forever.
Now, I know your saying to yourself, “Why is this nigga contacting me after all these years?!?” I know we haven’t seen each other in awhile and I know our departure from each other was very abrupt, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been watching you move. All I ever wanted from you was the money you produced. That’s it. I was never attracted to you or Marijuana. I was only using you both to pursue my entrepreneual ambitions and to utilize all capitalistic opportunities in my environment. I wanted to go to the moon and thought you were the fastest, easiest way to get there so I thought. However, the pressure of Uncle Sam consistently and aggressively threatening my life if he ever caught me with you eventually became too much to bear.
I am reaching out to you today because I personally wanted to let you know that you are a bad bitch. Don’t get me wrong! You’ve always been a bad bitch, but for some reason people have always underestimated you. I know you’ve always played second fiddle to Marijuana but that is only because she’s so goddamn cool and mellow. You were the bitch in the 70′s though, but your popularity made you too expensive in the 80′s and 90′s. That’s when your dirty ass, rassclot daughter “Crack” and her mentally challenged, loose tooth ass friend “Crystal” took over and ruined everything. Nevertheless, just when people were beginning to look at you as the old, washed up, thirsty bitch in the club whose glory days were behind her, you come back just as strong as ever as if you’ve ever left.
In short, you seem to have a timeless quality about you girl that no one can seem to resist. Over time, you’ve made yourself so sexy to be with that these niggas aren’t even hiding you anymore and are videotaping themselves with you. Everyone continues to sing your praises and is more than happy to pass you around to anyone that will have you. Some of my friends are still with you after all these years. They haven’t gotten hip to your true nature yet. We’ll see if they ever do. You are a sexy ass star again girl. I can’t say it enough. You are a bad, bad bitch; but I do wish you would sit your ass down somewhere. I’m actually getting tired of seeing you and your people around, shat.
Message To Cocaine: I See You Girl… by King Curtis is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.