Upgrading to Something Better “Looking” Doesn’t Cross a Man’s Mind
Most people would never accept or even entertain the idea of someone else being better than they are in regards to relationships. Let’s not even say “better.” Most people in relationships consider themselves to be more than sufficient enough for their significant other. However, realty is that everyone cheats. Both men and women, but the interesting thing that happens with women is that they take the act of infidelity very, very personal. When women have the unfortunate displeasure of knowing whom their significant other cheated with or moved on to, there are always the same universal questions and statements that arise. The most prominent statement I’ve heard spoken by women is the, “He could have at least upgraded to something better than me” statement. Often times, women make these statements purely on what they see of the other woman physically, but it is a little deeper than that.
First, know that some men live different realities with different women. This isn’t schizo or bipolar behavior either. It simply boils down to being able to wear different masks with different women. For instance, a man can have two women equally representing themselves as comedy and tragedy where both define each other and the man. There are those that may look at this behavior as selfish or whorish but it happens because the man is acting out different personalities or fantasies through different women.
For example, a man may impregnate a woman and marry her because she consistently displayed certain qualities that he desired in a mate. She may not have all of the qualities he was looking for but he knows without a shadow of a doubt she will be a good mother and will make a good home. This woman keeps him in responsibility mode at all times. On the other hand, there is the other woman across town who exhibits very little qualities the man may want in a woman but her entire life’s focus is around doing whatever she wants whenever she wants and having fun. Around this woman, all he has to be concerned with is maintaining his energy levels. Between the two women he receives a sense of balance. One is motherly, ladylike, respectful and responsible while the other woman is wild, spontaneous, and energetic.
Then there are those scenarios that are not based on finding any balance but are based in finding a direct opposite. Look at Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. In my opinion, he cheated with a chick that was actually in his league. It wasn’t that she was better than Sandra Bullock was; the other chick was probably something Jesse was always attracted to because he is into that whole tattoo culture. Although Sandra and Jesse may have had a good relationship and related to each other on different levels, there was something the side chick had or did that Sandra didn’t. Jesse may have been simply turned on by all of them damn tattoos on the other girl’s body. You never know (Kanye Shrug).
All in all, when men do cheat with other women they are not normally looking for an upgrade. That is one of the significant differences in the logic of men and women. Women will at least attempt to upgrade. Men only want a certain need fulfilled. Usually it revolves around sex, but sometimes it is just an attempt at escaping the reality of who they are or what they need to be in real life within the confines of their committed relationship. Whichever it may be, it simply boils down to the “she’s not you” principle and not the “how cute she should be if you’re going to cheat” principle. I personally think it is humorous that some women who catch their men cheating want to first know who the other chick is and how she looks before they even attempt to tackle the reasons of how and why the man cheated.