I’m Just Saying… #9: Children Are Not Chess Pieces
…CHILDREN ARE NOT CHESS PIECES. Keep it MOVIN’ or keep it STUPID, YOU decide.
This is a particularly touchy subject with me and I don’t even have children. Relationships end for varying reasons, but when children are involved it complicates matters further. I think it is safe to say that most women take custody of the children after a relationship has ended. One of the most despicable acts a woman can commit is to take a child and utilize them against the father. The relationship is over, but the vindictiveness and narrow-minded thinking of the mother is in full effect. There is nothing she won’t do to attempt to cause emotional and mental harm to the father; children included.
First, if you feel as if the father could do more for the children financially and he purposely doesn’t; take him to court. DO NOT take it upon YOURSELF to decide that the father has to pay to play with his children. Yes, you haven’t seen a child support check from the father in more than six months or longer but that does not mean he cannot see his children for the entire duration of the period he hasn’t paid. If you’ve NEVER received anything from the father for the children, the father and the children have a right to still maintain a relationship with each other. What do you say to the children when their father disappears? “Sorry, but your father didn’t pay for you this month.” Your children are not bargaining chips or possessions to negotiate over; they are people.
Second, keep your mouth shut and your opinions about the father to YOURSELF. Your children do not care to know or hear about the hatred and contempt you have for the father because of what he put you through. That is their FATHER. Nothing you can do or say will ever turn those children against him unless the father starts losing favor with the children through his own actions. In some cases, the father may have legitimate character flaws you feel the children should be warned about. However, let the children discover those flaws completely on their own. It is possible for your campaign of contempt to totally backfire on you with the children eventually concluding that YOU are the problem and not the father. In the end, time exposes any and everything. Your mouth will not bring the truth out any faster.
Also, the intimate relationship you and the father shared is over for a reason. Concern yourself with maintaining and controlling YOUR household and not dictating who the children can and cannot be in contact with when in custody of the father. Until the children come to you with concerns and issues about people they have been exposed to, you mind your business. You were involved with him for umpteen years and now all of a sudden he’s developed a lack of judgment in people? This only makes you appear to be desperate and still wanting an intimate relationship with the father.
Furthermore, stop viewing the children’s love of their father as some personal defeat to you. It is not a contest. The children love you both. I once heard a woman say that her children loved their father more than they loved her because people always mentioned the children talking about the father and not her. In the context she spoke, she was actually jealous. In her competing, this lead to her buying and giving in to every whim of the children regardless the situation. Come to find out, the children spoke of their father more because he actually talked to and spent time with the children. The woman only paid for things the children wanted and fed them. No interactions or concern for the children’s daily living, but she’s jealous of the father.
In conclusion, your life should be a direct living example to your children. If they see you being disrespectful and belligerent to the father and anyone associated with him, the children may also develop those same characteristics toward the public. You are an adult with the ability to reason. You or the father has no excuse for not being able to respectfully get along for the sake of your children’s sanity and emotional stability. Placing the children in a position of being used as leverage can not only potentially harm the father, but also the children. Nevertheless, some of you can careless as long as you get that trifling dog back for what he ruined and what he did to you. For those of you with this type of thinking, I say wholeheartedly and sincerely from the bottom of my heart; you bitches ain’t shit.
This has been a public service announcement prepared and presented by his royal highness…